Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
