We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
