How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
