i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
