I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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