And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
