no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
