So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
