im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
