I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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