we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
