not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
