i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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