there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
