did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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