I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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