I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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