..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
