i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
