You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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