So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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