Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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