Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
