Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
