Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
