then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
