Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
