youre lurking in front of me
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
