I cannot find my penis.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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