I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
