I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
