My boss' voice literally gives me gas
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
