My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
