1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
