Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
