she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
