Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
