she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Need sex. Gaining weight.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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