People in love make me want to vomit
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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