Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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