I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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