new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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