I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
