Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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