Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
