im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
