what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
