we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
