Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
