Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
