So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
