farters have to be the big spoon...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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